I'm Not Okay

Well I've decided I'm going to use my blog as a sort of online journal, per se.
Expressing how I feel, why and all of the perks that come with it.

No secrets, everything out in the open.... and I guess it will help the one or two people that read this to understand me better.

Truth is. I've been pretty depressed lately....
Everything is going wrong.
I can't cope with school, my relationship is going to shit, friendships are completely ruined and my health is depleting immensely.

Everything just seems so pointless.
I don't even know where to start my rant. So I suppose I'll start in order.

School...
It kind of links into my health. I've been so sick lately, I've missed so much school and thats not a good thing seeing as this is my last year of school and I need to get the best possible marks I can.
And it sucks. I just dont care anymore...



*sigh* my relationship is dying. We keep fighting. I'm massively depressed [not because of him] but its not helping. Plus I used to be on anti-depressants for my depression but he said he wont talk to me if I go on medication because he sees it as him not being able to make me happy.. thats not it. Its because of life at home and school and work and everything else BUT him... and its ruining everything.
We had a fight earlier tonight and now he isnt going to visit me in 3 weeks... and that hurt.
I don't know if he wants me anymore. All I do is upset him... I dont know what to do anymore.



True friends... I haven't ever had one. I think I can trust people then they just turn around and stab me in the fucking back!! I've had so many people mess with my head in the last few weeks.... I just cant trust any of them...

Sarah... Something uber personal happened between me and her and it was meant to be a secret. I didn't want it to be but it involved my boyfriend, James, and I didnt want him to go hurt. But one day, he calls me up and tells me she told him!! I dont care that he knew, I wanted him to know, I just thought Sarah would keep her mouth shut like a good friend is suppose too... I mean, if any one should have told him, it was meant to be me...

Amanda.. Stupid bitch! I was staying over her house one night... And James called me on my phone and after a while asked to speak to Manda. He wanted to say sorry for being on the phone so long while at her place and to make peace with her or whatever, but they just kept talking. I got jealous, stormed out and fell asleep on the couch. The next day I find out they were on the phone from midnight to 6am. Thats 6 fucking ours!! And he didnt even bother talking to me the whole time.. I got so upset.. I know it sounds protective or something but it really hurt you know? The next day he told me Manda sent him a photo to show him what she looked like, but Manda already told me and asked me if it was alright and I was fine with it. Then I had him call me later and he did the whole 'I need to tell you something' shit.
He told me Manda sent him the photo of her because I talked about her alot and he wanted to see what she looked like. But I already knew that. And it was a really sexy, revealing photo which bothered me quite a bit.
But then he told me while they were talking on the phone, he got turned on by her photo and told her he'd started ..playing with himself. He told her this and she said she wanted to help him by playing with herself and moaning and shit. He said he couldnt do it because he loved me. But I dont know if I believe him......
Then she denied it... she lied to my face... I was so hurt. I'd stormed out because I was jealous, and SHE thinks thats a good time to try something on my boyfriend!! What the hell kind of friend is that?!?! I hated it. I didnt talk to both of them for a while, and I didn't go to school because it made me feel so sick just thinking about it.

I was over Tyrones one night. And he's suppose to be my ultimate bestest best friend. But. He fucked up just as bad. I had a few drinks with him. I wasnt drunk but I had the flu and felt sick so I went to lay down and fell asleep. I threw up once but it wasnt because of the drinks. And he came back, woke me up, passed me my phone and said 'Karly, I've done something bad. I fucked up reaaal bad'. He told me James called my phone while Tyrone had it. And he abused the shit out of James, swore at his mum and told him I had PASSED OUT from drinking too much which was a downright lie!! Then James called again, yelled at me, his mum hated me and it all went to shit. So. Yea.

And Corey... he lied to me, told me to abuse this girl. Told me that she told everyone a big secret of his and his brothers. So I started going off at Marnie. But she told me he just said it because they broke up and she didnt want to be his friend anymore because he was manipulative and a liar. I didnt believe her but I ended up talking to Nathaniel and found out she was telling the truth. So Corey, the only person I thought I could trust anymore, lied to me and used me to get revenge at the 'girl who got away'. I felt so hurt. As soon as i asked him about he, he logged off msn and didnt talk to me at all. So he was running away because he knew he got caught.


Anyways.
My health is pretty crap. I get sickness after sickness after sickness, literally within hours of each other...
This has been going on for the past 4-5 weeks. I went to the doctors and they took tests but I havent got the results back or anything so I have NO idea what the hell is wrong with me....

RAWR rehrehrehrehreh!!

Enough of the midnight rant.
I shall retire to bed...
Sorry if I bore you or annoy you with my self-pity and endless complaining.
I promise my next post will be much more cheerful =]
I just needed some form of venting to get it all out there...
It feels better *nods*

Anyways, this is me signing off.
Night

x x x x x
Xyi

Mon site Web:
http://www.myspace.com/xxx_bloodlust_xxx
http://xyidai.deviantart.com
http://www.vampirefreaks.com/roguette
http://www.mygothicheart.com/roguette/
http://www.bebo.com/XyiDai

Si vous voulez entrer en contact avec moi, n'hésitez pas à vérifier n'importe lequel de mes profils sur ces sites

Well, I've been thinking about piercings and tattoos lately...
I figured out what tattoos and what piercings I want..
I already have one of my ears pierced, as well as my eyebrow and nose!

Piercings I Want:
~Lip [preview picture]
~Traigus
~Tongue [three times]
~Belly Button
~About 20 rings on both my ears
and
~An Industrail Bar through the top of my right ear

In the Blog Picture, you will see a ring on my lip.
This is just a fake ring.. But its a preview of what my lip will look like..

----

Bien, j'ai pensé aux percements et des tatouages récemment ... j'ai compris quels tatouages et quels percements je veux .. j'ai déjà une de mes oreilles percées, aussi bien que mon sourcil et nez!

Les percements je Veulent :
~Lip [prévisualisent l'image]
~Traigus ~Tongue [trois fois]
~Belly Boutonnent
~About 20 anneaux tant sur mes oreilles que sur
~An Industrail la Barre(le Bar) par le sommet de mon oreille droit

Dans l'Image de Blogue, vous verrez un anneau sur ma lèvre. C'est juste un anneau faux.. Mais

Well ...
I'm going to start my blog with a classic About Me survey, just so you know what you're up against..

---

First off, what's your name?
Karly-Jade Fisher

How old?
16 and a half

Where from?
Tara

Who's the lucky someone?
James
=]

Who's the bff?
Corey!! I cant live without you.
You are my best friend

Who's the hero?
uhm . no one

What's the eye color?
brown

What's the hair color?
dark brown

How many times have you been in love?
twice.. but this is 'the one' <33

Do you plan on having sex before marriage?
uhm .. next question
XD

Do you drink?
yes

Do you smoke?
yes

Would you call yourself confident?
not really

Have you ever given into peer pressure?
sometimes ...

What is the vacation you're most looking forward to?
Tasmania
=D

Watermelon or Cantaloupe?
...whats a cantaloupe?

Mango or Peaches?
Mangooooo

Raspberries or Strawberries?
strawberries

Peppers or Tomatoes?
tomatoes

In middle school were you the "popular one"?
i was a 'drifter'
im sort of able to hang with any group
but
i hang out with the 'freaks and geeks'

What is your future dream job?
poet and author who does my own artwork
i LOVE art

Have you taken any steps to achieve that yet?
yea
i do art at school, i pass English and Art.
I've passed a University course on the 'Introduction to Popular Music'
and I'm doing a course on Creative Writing next year
plus I'm working on a Certificate II in Library/Information services

What exact time and date were you born at?
dunno the time
but
I was born on 21st of August

Name one comedy show we'd find you laughing at:
Who's Line is it Anyway
or
Scrubs
OR
Malcolm in the Middle
ORRR
Will and Grace

What other shows do you watch with some of the same actors?
the Drew Carrey Show

What is your favorite thing to eat with a cup of coffee?
i prefer tea... and i like ... uhm ... i dont like eating things with my tea

What is the thing we'd find you ordering at Starbucks?
...i dont go to Starbucks
I go to Gloria Jeans.
and i buy a regular 'Very-Vanilla Late'

What brand does your wardrobe mostly consist of?
many thinsgs
Hot Topic
Emily The Strange
Jay Jays
Supre
Target
.....

Do you have all your teeth?
indeed i do

How about braces or a retainer?
neither

How is your eyesight?
20/20 vision exept for some ... short-sightedness??

Any glasses or contacts?
nope

How many birth marks?
uhm
i havent found one?

What was the last song you listened to?
I'm Calling by Angtoria

What was the last show you watched?
iCarly


Who was the last person you talked to?
James

Who was the last person you had a phone conversation with?
Corey <33

What was the last thing you ate?
uhm
fritters

What was the last thing you drank?
water

When was your last shower?
around 9pm last night

When was the last time you stopped to exercise?
uhm tuesday, i went for a walk

After this, what will you be doing?
getting ready for work
>.<


.......


Bien... Je vais commencer mon blogue avec un classique de Moi l'enquête(la vue générale), juste donc vous savez(connaissez) contre quoi vous êtes en haut..
---
D'abord de, comment vous appelez-vous ?
Pêcheur de Karly-jade
Quel âge ?
16 et demi
D'où ?
Tara
Qui est le chanceux quelqu'un ?
James =]
Qui est le bff ?
Corey!! Je parle avec hypocrisie en direct sans vous.
Vous êtes mon meilleur ami
Qui est le héros ?
Uhm. personne
Quelle est la couleur d'oeil ?
Brun
Quelle est la couleur des cheveux(la coloration) ?
Brun foncé
Combien de fois vous ont été dans

It has come to my attention that my blog has to many articles and I doubt anyone would read that many.
So it has been decided that I delete all my articles, perhaps re-use some, and completely restart my skyblog!
I'm going to provide both English and French translations in my new updated blog.
Thankyou ^^


Il est venu à mon attention que mon blogue a à beaucoup d'articles et je doute que quelqu'un le lise plusieurs. Donc il a été décidé que je supprime tous mes articles, réutilise peut-être certains et reprends complètement mon skyblog!
Je vais fournir traductions tant anglaises que françaises dans mon nouveau blogue mis à jour.
Merci ^^